Have you ever loved somebody so much……?

I have been beaten, abused mentally and physically, and just downgraded for years. But, I stayed. I loved him so much that I stayed throughout everything he did. 
From day one, he cheated on me constantly. I was so embarrassed to walk the halls of my school. Every girl I passed (legitimately) he had fooled around with, or slept with at parties or just as “one night stand.”

How do you still love someone after all of that? I have been through it and I still can’t answer the questions I have for myself… How can someone degrade you, call you names, make a laughing stock of you, cheat on you, abuse you, and you still stay and claim to love that person? I lied to myself everyday. I lied to my parents and made excuses for his poor existence. 

I feel so dumbfounded. Why did I do that? Why did I let it get so bad? Why didn’t I call the police after he beat me? I was always told I lied about the abuse because I never reported it. REALLY!?! How many girls die from abuse because they are scared to lose the man they love? Even though he beats on you and cheats you still love him. People judge without knowing what it’s like. Yes, he hurt me, he nearly killed me, but I didn’t call the cops because I thought he was the best thing for me, and because I couldn’t imagine my life with someone else. 

Once someone pounds it in your head that you’re fat, ugly, worthless, and “no man will ever love you the way I do”, you sit and wonder if that’s honestly true. Once you believe it like I did, you don’t want to lose the only person who will ever love you….

Whenever I was younger I would of never put up with the things I did for years. After years of “brainwash” ; I guess you could say, you believe it. I was once a girl with intergrity and self respect and I lost it all because I let some women beater degrade me, and my self worth. 
Love isn’t abuse. Love isn’t “I’m sorry I hit you, it won’t happen again” 

It will HAPPEN again. It never stops. 

Please, if you need resources or numbers please contact me or your nearest shelter(s). I wish I would of had these resources (or known about them), it could of saved me many years of physical, mental, and verbal abuse. 

Head up, chin up, and leave that asshole πŸ™πŸΌ

Freedom is beautiful πŸ’œπŸ“²

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